Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child? – Part 2
Posted on: August 27, 2015. Comments ( 7 )

Author: Mrs. Radhika Mohan, Educational Consultant

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Research has also considered taking in other factors that lead to aggressive behavior in children. They include areas like the mother’s depression, alcohol and drug abuse while pregnant, spousal abuse and even whether the mother considered abortion while pregnant with the child. Even then, the only strong predictor of aggressive behavior in children is due to spanking the child.

When a five year old child is spanked, he exhibits more of a defiant behavior, demands immediate satisfaction of his wants, and needs, becomes easily frustrated, throw temper tantrums, and lashed out physically, hurting other people and animals. Simply put, spanking produces WORSE behavior, definitely NOT better behavior.

When a child is hit, she/he is exposed to violence. This teaches the child that it is acceptable to hit someone who is smaller and weaker. So he/she learns that hitting is an OK mode of reaction.

‘I am going to hit you because you hit your sister’ is not a line your child will take directly. He will only take it with a pinch of salt. As parents, we all know that our kids only do what we do, not what we say.

What is discipline? What I ‘teach’ my child is discipline. I don’t discipline them by following a certain code of conduct myself and encouraging them to follow me. I say, I don’t do.

If we are serious about raising fine kids, we need to invent our own methods to tech our kids to manage themselves. Spanking does not do that.

Instead, it only breeds fear for us in the minds of our children, and where fear breeds, love cannot. Fear teaches them vile ways of managing us. They become sneaky and secretive in all their moves. They do all this for fear of getting caught. It tells them that they are bad so they go out to prove it by behaving badly, becoming worse as they grow. It teaches them that problem solving is synonymous with violent behavior. So they exhibit violence whenever they sense danger or trouble for themselves.

Also this actually helps them by shirking responsibility to work by themselves and improve their own behavior. This is because they ‘externalize their locus of control’. This means that they are deferring the nature of the authority that is bent on controlling them. This makes them want to behave badly. The behavior is forced on them. Thus this behavior is not because they want to behave so but because they are forced to behave so. A prison warden in Chennai once mentioned in his speech that all people in prison were spanked hard when they were young kids.

The true fact is that as much as spanking is not an effective technique so much so it is also not a necessary intervention in disciplining kids. When children are raised with age appropriate expectations of them, understanding their limits and thus empathizing with them, they begin to understand us, and start behaving like angles. They do co operate and live up to our joy and pride in them. They don’t need disciplining from outside but eventually learn self discipline, much needed for successful adult life.

So what do I do when they drive me crazy with anger? Next time, just remain aware of your anger, calm down, like a gulp of water, cool down and come back to the kids. Tell them you need time to think about what went wrong but right now you’re to get on with preparing their dinner. Later talk to them when you and also they are calmer. Then you’ll also feel a lot better, having won over your anger. This will be much more pleasing and effective. Children also learn a lot about managing anger. And you will pat yourself for being the kind of parent your child deserves.

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Comments (7)

 

  1.  
    Preeya says:

    Very Nice

  2.  
    Sona says:

    THE ONLY WAY TO CORRECT YOUR CHILD IS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE…

    WE NEED TO LOVE THEM, RESPECT THEM NO MATTER HOW SMALL THEY ARE…

    WE ARE ONLY HERE AS A MEDIUM TO RUN THE UNIVERSE, WE DID NOT BRING THEM ON THE EARTH TO FULFILL OUR OWN NEEDS, THEY CAME HERE TO BLESS OUR LIVES…

    OUR GUARDIAN ANGELS..THEY ARE THE ONLY FORM OF GOD WE CAN SEE WE OUR EYES…

  3.  
    Vanita says:

    yeah very good article
    but hitting the child bring disipline but also negative thoughts

  4.  
    J.aravindan says:

    Thank you, very nice article!

  5.  
    Parag Bahadurudeshi says:

    very nice and informative article.

  6.  
    Parvathy says:

    very nice article……the sentence “When a child is hit, she/he is exposed to violence. This teaches the child that it is acceptable to hit someone who is smaller and weaker. So he/she learns that hitting is an OK mode of reaction”. This is quite true….spanking might give some immediate solace to parents, but defintely not in long term…

  7.  
    Snehal Rakesh Metkar says:

    very nice article.
    I’m sure everyone goes through this phase of helplessness while raising up the child, but controlling our own anger and emotions will help us to avoid spanking our child.


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