Shy Kids? This is what I do… You could too!
Posted on: May 30, 2018. Comments ( 1 )

Author: Ponambiha Sivan, Melbourne, Australia.

Shyness in kids is very cute, but there’s also something else here to ponder. This is a rarely discussed topic among parents, yet important.

“Shy” kids grow up that way, and sometimes they choose to stay in that shy zone, especially into their teens. “Shyness” is the feeling of apprehension, lack of comfort, or awkwardness, especially when a person is around other people. This is how shyness is defined.

Now, who are those ‘other people’? Strangers, of course, whom the kids meet, but these also include their parents. Being shy in front of parents is neither good for the kids nor for their parents. Well, is being shy a crime? Or would being shy affect children in the future?

The answer is both “NO” and “YES”—there are two sides to it. Usually shy kids are misunderstood to be introverts. Being shy and being an introvert are two quite different things. This problem is translucent—you will not know until it stands up as a big bad wolf. Let me put one such wolfly instance here. We sometimes feel that even schools are not safe. Abusive behavior towards kids, especially at such “supposedly safe” places, pound our hearts. This is because most victims are shy kids.

Shyness can give rise to many such unmanageable complications. We, as parents, must hence teach kids to be transparent and expressive, in front of us, and especially to the public. Giving up one’s shyness is always a good way to protect oneself. It will also help the child build his or her life, have a good career, and maintain healthy, reliable relationships. This will make them feel good about themselves and will not allow them to freeze where they are.

Once you spot your kids expressing shy behavior, it is the time for you to act. You are the person who can do it. Rather than trying to change the way your kids express something, we must change the way we react to their expressions. This is the best way to control your kid’s behavior. Let him or her speak! Don’t snap at the child when he or she comes up with something to say, even if it is not comfortable to you. Snapping will cage the child’s spontaneity.

We must patiently wait for the child to finish completely what he or she wants to say and make our point(s) afterward. Furthermore, we must make the atmosphere comfortable and encouraging for kids to express everything they think—kids shouldn’t hold it back because there is no space to express. Good or bad, sweet or hard, kids must be given their own zone to express everything.

Secondly, it is important to listen. Genuinely listen to the child—this is the platform that creates the interest of expression in him or her. If you pretend to listen, believe it or not, kids will spot it. This makes them feel deeply hurt, and they will thence hold themselves forever. Thus, listen to them—just the promise of being genuinely heard make them feel great.

Now take them to a different environment; one where they usually feel shy. Help them make a few conversations to new people there. It is very easy to crack open shyness when they feel someone is standing by their side. Ask them to ask for directions, make them greet watchmen. It is always the small things that make a big difference.

Make them feel that you are there to support them physically and mentally. Let them know that you are always there for them. Let them take you within their trust zone. Take away their shyness—and make them feel light.

NOTE: If you are a parent and wish to share your experience and suggestions, send us an email to with the subject line "ParentSpeak". You may also include limited number of photos relevant to your topic.

Comments (1)


    Lakshmipriya S says:

    Thank you so much…this is the right time message for me…. its very useful.

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