Now, when children are young, I have seen the prevalence of this practice:
Spanking the child on his buttocks. Although there is still no concrete evidence of research facts on this information, this is, as psychologists say, an erroneous zone in childhood. This act can create the wrong association between pain and pleasure in the child’s mind. The child relates pain with sexual pleasure thus leading to difficulties in adulthood. A positive parenting will cause a child’s mind to associate attention with pleasure. On the other hand, negative parenting will cause a child’s mind to associate pain with pleasure. So children with parental attention in terms of only beating him, will associate parental care with only pain and thus merge the concepts of pain and pleasure in the child’s mind. Such children will groom as low esteem persons and believe that they are not fit to receive anything better in life. Do not think that all this is not for parents who cause mild influences of pain on children.
Physical injuries of even a mild nature can have serious consequences in a child’s physical body. Blows to the lower end of the spiral column can send shock waves along the spine, and may injure a child. It is also said that adults suffering from low back pain may trace its origin to mild punishments they might have received in childhood. Spanking can also cause nerve damage leading to paralyzed state. I have also read somewhere that even due to mild paddlings, some children have lost their lives, because of undiagnosed medical complications.
‘My mother disciplined me only by spanking. So why should I follow any other method?’ is a oft made statement by most of my parents at school. This actually a practice ‘running in the family,’ so to say! My grandmother would have disciplined my mother by hitting her.
But have you ever thought what this practice conveys? Might is right and ‘Might makes Right’. It says that it is quite fair and just to hurt someone else, to achieve my end, to do what I want to someone who is younger than me and who is less powerful than I am.
Do you think this argument is fair? Is just? Is right? Is rational? Think……Just think….
So, as adults what can you expect such children to be? Will they be compassionate, considerate? Definitely, not.
They will only adopt the same strategy to make things (people) work for what they want. He will only, look down upon the less fortunate and also fear all those more powerful than him.
Will such a person be an emotionally fulfilled individual? NO.
Will he be able to found meaningful relationships around him? NO.
What will be his stakes as a survivor in the society? Very poor.
He will be making only on animal-like living. ‘Survival of the fittest’ is the only jungle law he will be capable of adopting. Is it good?
So, what does the whole exercise of reading this article, point out to? The one crucial fact of parental modeling.
I model my mother; my mother modeled her mother. what do we all model? An unfair, unjust, obsolete, inhuman and barbaric practice. Should I continue it, after all? Don’t I think my child deserves only the best, in terms of good parenting?
My child is also going to model me, my behavior and my attitude towards problem solving.
So what do I do? Make problem solving a creative, humane act. Not take to punishment as the right way to expressing my feelings of disapproval.
Let my child look at the way I behave – sanely, wisely, creatively and fairly – when it comes to overcoming a difficulty in my relationship with someone I love.
It will be difficult for the child to learn to behave in the right manner; but children are very good at imitating and modeling behavior by observation.
So let me behave and model the way I want my child to be. Let unskilled parenting take a full stop after my generation. Let me teach my child to be a good parent in her future years by modeling one though me!
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