“It is the child’s feeling about being loved or unloved that affects how he will develop” – Dorothy Briggs.
To feel the experience of being loved and appreciated by one’s parents is a very precious psychological gift. Tragically, a small minority of people have missed getting this gift from their parents.We have heard people say, “I never knew my father liked me until I was 30 and then I knew this only through my sister”.
“I think my Mum was always busy doing so much for me. She must have loved me lot but I’m not sure ‘cause she never said she did”.
After all, these parents had really loved their children but because they did not communicate their feelings much of their confidence – building power had been tragically wasted.
So it is not enough to feel love for year child, however deep and sincere we know it to be. We need to express this love clearly and often enough. It will be unwise to assume that year child can read your heart.
Children best understand your expression of love through messages in language such as ‘Mummy loves you’ or in an alternative, communicative style of writing so as not to embarrass the child, especially if he/she is an older one.
When appreciations are backed be specific reasons, they sound more brilliant, don’t they? So make it a point to explain why you like them. Say like ‘I love you’ cause your sense of few lightens the place’ or ‘I love you for the creative piece you’re composed for the school newsletter’.
But remember one important factor – never give an impression to your child that there are strings attached to your commitment to loving and caring for him/her. Many children really do believe that their parents’ love for them will ‘dry up’ if they do not get the highest number of credits in the exam or if they fail to become captain of the school basket ball team.
So it is important to emphasize that you love him/her unconditionally. This means that you will love him always, come what may. That you will continue to love him even if you are angry with him, dissatisfied over his school performance or sometimes even embarrassed in a socially undesired behavior. Make sure you’re angry not at him, but his behavior, dissatisfied not at him but only his performance.
Next, look out for your child’s innate strength and get him to help you using that strength. For example, if your child is especially creative, ask him to redesign your room or set the table for dinner when guests are expected. For a child with logical skills, you could ask him to tally your accounts after shopping or reorganize an overcrowded shelf or cupboard. This will boost his self –worth, also create opportunity to build upon his strengths. It may be useful to remember that you may not wish to seek your child’s help simply because you could finish the task quicker yourself, or you don’t want to break the ‘happy’ state of activity he is involved in or you don’t want to be a ‘burden’.
It has very often been found among adults, whose self esteem scenes to be flagging, to give themselves a dose of self-nurturing activities. This idea seems alien to them because as children they were never taught either directly or by example how to nurture themselves. As a result, they have developed many habits which are essentially self destructive, if only by default (eg. going to bed too late, over eating, not getting enough exercise, not giving themselves time to relax after a tiring or stressful experience, etc). As parents now, you need to teach your child from an early age to demonstrate self-love for themselves, taking good care of body and mind, not let themselves be taken over by bad habits which could ultimately destroy their self respect.
Disclaimer: The information contained within this website is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended to substitute for obtaining advice from professional experts. The ideas and views expressed here are all from the authors of the content and not from Yokibu. Please seek assistance from professional experts for your specific needs.